Wretched English

A new twist on an old scam

FROM: GNOBI MALFOIE ESQ
+011 44 020 7230 1212

I write you with uttermost urgency in this detail. I am a former assistant to the Tooth Fairy (M.H.T.B.L.) and to the most honorable Santa Claus. Circumstances surrounding my employment have changed and I am now in a position of having to transfer myself and my possessions to Canadia. My situation is delicate however, as I am in possession of several million dollars in uncounted small change of different denominations and a store house full of toys of appreciable market value. These assets were part of my severance package but have come under court scrutiny and question as my former employers wish to renegotiate the terms of severing. As my situation is tenably precious, banks do not wish to deal with me and aid in the transfer, as well also because the several million dollars in uncounted small change of different denominations is uncounted and weighty and the banks do not wish to valuate the toys of appreciable market value. It is my proposition to store these in a suitable location in Canadia in preparation for my immigration to your country. I have been informed of your honesty, generosity and reliability in such matters and that you have a good storage space available to you (e.g. garage, basement, shed shelter). I am willing to share 30% of the value of these assets with you for your assisting in this transfer. My estimation of this valuing is $7.23 million upon conversion for your part. Your piece in the deal is very easy, you need only to expedite me the funds for the shipping of these goods to your esteemed home address. I cannot negotiate the shipping at the moment without your needed funds, as the shipping company will not deal in uncounted small change of different denominations and as well have been put to alert by my former employers, the Tooth Fairy (M.H.T.B.L.) and the most honorable Santa Claus to not negotiate open small coins. As well the shipping companies will not barter for toys of appreciable market value. I propose to send the coins and the toys in several shipments to ease the transfer, so that upon your first receipt of the coins you may convert already what is received to your share and the 70% to cover my remaining shipping expenses, thus I show that I am willing to pay and am not trying to get something for free. The estimate charge for shipping the first 700 kilograms of coins is $3500 dollars only, after of which you may recover your expenses upon the receipt. This is a small investment indeed for your return of estimated $7.23 million.

I await your most gracious and trustworthy reply. Please forward to me at your soonest convenience:

Your phone and fax numbers
Your full bank account details including transit number and account number
Your home shipping address
Your mother's maiden name as my confirmation so that I may know I am dealing with you in future communications

Please send me these at my email address from which I have sent this, or telephone me at +011 44 020 7230 1212 for your soonest convenience in reporting to me these details.

Yours sincerely and may your teeth be long,
GNOBI MALFOIE ESQ

© 2003 James Harbeck seamus@harbeck.ca.