Council candidate pledges to keep the home fires burning

COFFEE WITH WARREN, with Warren Harbeck
Cochrane Eagle, October 12, 2017

Cochrane Town Council candidate Firewood promises to bring a friendly glow to local politics and warm our hearths and soles. PhotoArt by Warren Harbeck

Imagine this: a candidate for Cochrane Town Council who not only promises to keep the home fires burning, but can actually be trusted to deliver the goods!

Yes, Firewood is a candidate in next week’s municipal election – at least, I hope he is. I’ve even gone out on a limb and created a campaign sign and slogan for him, inspired by a lawn sign of his I came across among a half-dozen campaign signs for other candidates leading up to another election some years ago.

His sign back then got me thinking that here was a candidate who saw himself as a cut above the rest. I mean, many have alleged there’s too much deadwood in government. But here was someone actually proud to be deadwood, a citizen solid to the core, with the potential to ignite voter imagination.

I’ve done background checks on him over the years and here’s what I’ve learned:

He’s poplar everywhere he goes, a well-seasoned politician with a bright, sparkling personality and a flare for the flamboyant. He often brings folks together for friendly fireside chats that conclude with the singing of Kumbaya.

Nor is he intimidated by the knottier issues he’ll encounter, if elected. Regarding the high cost of heating our homes, for example, he promises to reduce gas bills.

About his heritage, Firewood comes from a family tree deeply rooted in our southern Alberta foothills soil. His sister was a school board member. His brothers played with the Flames. (But his cousin actually supported the Maple Leafs!)

Firewood does have his detractors, however. Some say he’s not a self-starter, always needing someone to light a fire under him. Others note that when the going gets too hot, he burns out and makes an ash of himself in public.

And then there are those who just wish he’d split. They’d be glad to take an axe to him and send him on his way.

Oh, and about this matter of his integrity? Some argue that previous elections have been stacked in his favour.

It was a Cochrane merchant, however, who levelled the most serious accusation against him: “Firewood can be bought!” Well, yes, and I must confess that I, too, am one of those who, on occasion, have swapped my cash for his influence. But he delivers!

On the brighter side, he’s a peacemaker. Even when he failed to win in previous elections, he succeeded in fueling the flames of friendship among his opponents. He even inspired them to take down their adversarial lawn signs, add them to the friendly fire, and share a few post-election chuckles.

All things considered, therefore, I’m proud to endorse Firewood as a candidate worthy of your consideration in Monday’s election. When other candidates have left us in the cold, here’s a candidate who can be counted on to warm the hearths and soles of our entire community.


© 2017 Warren Harbeck

Return to Coffee With Warren home page